The word that seemed to claim me in December as I thought about the new year ahead was Resilient. I do not know where it came from, but it popped into my head over and over and piqued my curiosity. What I did not know then was how much I would need resilience in my life over the next few months.
My three girls and I live on a 35+ acre farm and have 12 animals: 2 curious and fun goats, 2 show ponies that would do whatever my girls asked of them, 1 rescued bunny and 1 hen that are best friends (they don't seem to realize that one of them is a bunny and the other is a hen -- they are two peas in a pod), 1 more hen (she lays amazing x-large brown eggs) and 1 rooster, 3 cats and 1 borrowed dog. Sadly, in December we lost one goat very suddenly, and just over a month later we lost the other one. Then last week we lost one of our horses very suddenly as well. A horse that made my oldest daughter's dreams come true; a hunter jumper grand champion that needed and received so much love and care. She came to live with us when my youngest daughter was three and she doesn't remember life without the horse. For fifteen years that horse taught my girls a love language only horses can teach, along with the value of hard work learned in caring for her and training her. The quietness of the barn hits me every morning when I open the door to do chores. My chatty hen tries to fill the space with her demands for treats (strawberry tops are her favourite), but when she's busy scurrying around pecking here and there, the silence prevails. It is hard to bounce back from the sadness of loss, even the loss of pets.
Resilience is generally defined as the ability to perform well during times of stress and to bounce back after setbacks. One of the proven factors that helps people to bounce back is "drawing from religious and spiritual resources". So many times in my life I have thought to myself "How do people do life without God?" The one who is "God of all, who is over all and through all" Ephesians 4:6. The Arabic version of "through all" is "taking care of all".
For the last decade I have fought hard to overcome one health dysfunction after another. Coming into this year I optimistically thought I finally had the end in sight; the last layer of the onion as my doctor calls it. A few months ago, when that word "resilient" claimed me, the concept that when I would experience physical, emotional or mental stress I would find meaning in the midst of it, would bounce back and be stronger as a result, excited me. I imagined travelling without triggering symptoms; in my mind I pictured travelling to a destination and arriving with energy and excitement, ready to explore and then returning back home refreshed. I imagined taking on a project and having the strength to see it through. I imagined doing all the things I don't feel confident enough to commit to. After all, my favourite verse is "I can do all things through Him who strengthens me" Philippians 4:13. I looked forward to being that word ... resilient. Truth is, this week I'm not feeling it.
However, there may be a different way of looking at being resilient. As said by Eugene Peterson in The Message Devotional Bible, in describing what Abigail in effect said to David in I Samuel 25, "The wilderness isn't an experiment in which you test yourself and find out how strong and resilient you are, it's where you discover the strength of God and the faithfulness of God." Abigail found herself in a seemingly impossible, terrifying situation and yet somehow, she looked at a story much larger than hers and found strength in the storm.
The account in I Samuel 25 takes place during a time when Israel had been recovering from repeated attacks from surrounding nations like the Philistines. During this particular event, David is enraged by Abigail's husband's response to a request for supplies, and David threatens to attack the entire estate, thus endangering Abigail's life as well. However, God had a plan to work through her messy situation. That same God who in Ephesians 4:6 is described as the God of all, who is over all, and taking care of all.
We live in an uncertain time, making it difficult to trust that at the end of this God will make all things right, (Psalm 103:6 MSG) and that we will perform well through it all and bounce back after this great setback. Maybe the lesson here is that resilience for a Christian isn't about us, about us being strong enough to overcome; it's about God and His strength to carry us through and faithfully see us to the other side. I have come to realize that as a Christ follower my word for the year doesn't mean what I thought it did. It takes a lot of pressure off me to not have to be resilient through my own effort, and puts my trust in the Almighty God. So thankful for His promises!
Exodus 18:23 "God will direct you, you will be able to endure."
2 Corinthians 4:8 "We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair...struck down, but not destroyed."
1 Chronicles 16:11 "Seek the LORD and his strength; seek his presence continually."
Romans 12:12 "Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer."
Isaiah 40:29 "He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might he increases strength."
Proverbs 19:21 "Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the LORD that will stand."
Psalm 16:8 "I have set the LORD always before me; because he is at my right hand, I shall not be shaken."
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